the bitchen' blog. literally.

it's been awhile, hasn't it? and boy have things changed since the last time i blogged back at xanga. new blog, new leaf? nah to be honest i just got tired of the old layout.

so how has turning 22 changed me? amazingly, i think it's safe to say that i've grown up tremendously in the past year. the non-existent relationship, the array of nonsensical boys that i've gone out with, the 4-month internship at OgilvyPR, the new friends i've made, the new hobby, the new outlook on life, the ability to feel comfortable with the person that i have become.

aiyo i sound so deep fried kan? :)

do i know what i want to do in life just yet? nope. my "life-long plans" and "ambitions" change faster than you can say chattanaoogachoochoo. but that's the exciting part isn't it? venturing into the unknown.

had this discussion with mom a few nights back. i was mentioning something along the lines of how PR didn't give me the self-satisfaction i'd expected. i mean i figure, you put so much effort into an event, often times multiple events at the same time, and i swear you work 25 hours a day, 8 times a week just to make sure everything runs smoothly right. so you'd think once your event finishes without major glitches, and you generate all that publicity..you'd get that buzz..like oh, i was responsible for that and feel all schmaltzy in the end. and i guess to a certain extent i did, but it sure didn't blow me away like i thought it would. and that's just four months in the industry. do i really see myself doing this for a living?

i've come to the conclusion that people in PR either

i) do it for the "glamness" of it all (trust me, its not very. yeah you get to go for the fancy events you organize. but novelty wears off after awhile. especially when it comes to me, i get bored..and fast)

ii) seem pretty content with the life they're stuck in. like they don't see the bigger picture. but you know i think this applies to most people anyways. well heck, they seem happier than i do..so they must be doing something right no?

which leads me to my next point. a friend of mine mentioned to me once ( after a bitching session about how miserable & depressed i was - with good reason naturally ;p ), the smartest people are often the most unhappy. amen to that! i wish to God i didn't think too much about everything. and sometimes i can't help but think..a simple mind isn't a bad thing to have at all!

think about it (here i go..*exhale*) simple minds, take things as they come. and not like a day to day thing, more like minute to minute. they go to work, come back to their loved ones - end of day 1. tomorrow's another day. it's routine, but heck they're not complaining? steady income, security..i mean really, the necessities.

the problem is when you think. mix that with pride (something which i think i have a little too much of, it's gotta be bad for me somehow) and that's a recipe for sleepless nights, headaches, heartaches..you get the idea.

my dilemma:

working in a PR/corporate firm? the hours are crazy, the stress and pressure is immense, 80% of the people in the industry are horrible. corporate KL = not for me. yet why is it that when i envision myself 10 years from now, all i see is me in that sleek black gucci suit. driving that oh-so-sexy beemer. and i think..that's it dammit!

then you have the core of me. i'm supposed to save the world, y'see. i'm all about volunteering and saving the children and animals. why children you say? why not men and women? well my friend, because women are bitches and men are sluts..so i figure lets save the kids before it's too late, no? So the plan is to work in the UN/Unicef. Bye cavalli, hermes and ungaro.

Then of course there was the genius of a plan to..get this..join the Ministry for Arts, Culture & Heritage..and some day run for minister. The scary part? Everyone seemed to take me pretty seriously when I proposed it. I mean c’mon, that has got to be delusional on my behalf at some level right? Sure I love arts..i definitely appreciate culture..but politics? *shakes head*

mom was saying if i was so unhappy, it still wasn't too late to start off in a totally new direction, and go back to one of my childhood dreams of becoming a marine biologist. ah. the sun, the sea and sand. extremely tempting. i'd be doing something i love, away from ignorant city folk, i get to swim with manta rays..life is good right? wrong. i'd prolly miss the city life after awhile. not to mention by the time i start work, my peers would all be halfway (or almost, or something) to making their first million (ringgit or otherwise!).

help!


The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.

Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970)