Happy 6th-month Anniversary

(29 November 2006 - 29 May 2007)

When I think about the past seven months that I've been here, it's hard to think of any memory without you. I still remember everything as if it were yesterday. From the time I saw you at Trafalgar at night from inside a car, the shy hi-bye conversations in the kitchen (not to mention the "I think he's in the kitchen now" before finding an excuse to be in the kitchen :P), watching Click in your room, the Halloween party (how Veron was part of the 'plan' to pull you meh), the Christina concert, how I was amazed you didn't pull any moves on me then and realised what a gentleman you were, you buying me a cookie and food when I was sick before we were even an item, the nights I was too 'tired' to just walk across to my room after a movie, our games nights in your room, ARTention, my Christmas present to you, Venice and Rome I will never forget how I felt that night on the deck when it was just us two looking out at the dark Venetian waters and lights of San Marco, the kiss on Plaza Venezia in Rome, how you ran back to me before immigration checks at the barrier to kiss me and say I LOVE YOU - the first time you said it, how it put a smile on my face, the empty room I had to go back to, the first time I saw you on the webcam, the tears, the laughs, the fights, waiting for you at the airport with a daffodil in my hand - how you smiled and turned at the sound of my voice before you even saw me, making sago with me in the kitchen, always washing the dishes while I cooked, how the most mundane chores were the most fun thing to do when I'm with you, having dinner with my sister, just being in my room watching TV and snuggling. You loving me unconditionally.

I love you Schmoops.

Thank you for being so patient with me. I know I haven't been making it easy for you, but you know you mean the world to me, the only one who makes me feel special and worthy of being loved. We've both come a long way, God knows long-distance is tough but we made it this far.

Audra sayang Alex :)

Disclaimer: This post was written half-way a few weeks back before holis began, but was so busy that I never got around to finishing it..so the references to 'last week' was in actual fact almost a month ago.

Why I Love the UK.

As most of you already know, the past week has been the worst since I got here. First on Tuesday, I had a presentation on what my dissertation would be on, and because I had a lack of time and resources, I just presented Shahnon Ahmad's Ranjau Sepanjang Jalan and the translation by Adibah Amin that I got off Amazon.com for frikkin £10.00 because I had already done it for a previous essay that was due the same day. So the presentation was good etc. like I made use of my PR training and went the whole 9 yards, Powerpoint Presentation, handouts etc. but it's like I wasn't feeling it and I wasn't excited about doing that. I was plagued by a feeling of hopelessness, and to top it off, I was expected criticism from the panel..but all I got was, "Yes, it's interesting to see how you've grouped it that way..it's very well organised." You'd think I'd be happy right? WRONG.

For some mental reason, I was on an emotional rollercoaster that week. I'd been so stresssed prior to that, and put in so much effort into it that I felt like the comments weren't constructive. Like okay, cmon.. I KNOW it couldn't be perfect..so what gives right? So anyway I went back upset, thinking okay..they must either not take me seriously or my presentation must've been really boring. And you know how after a presentation no matter how good or bad it is you're usually just relieved and glad it's done and over with? Well no matter how hard I tried, it bugged me..day and night. So the next day I emailed my lecturer and also mentioned that I knew it was too late coz I had done the presentation already but if I could change my topic to subtitling instead because I'm interested in venturing there. She replied that she thought it was a wonderful presentation and that it was a basis for a good dissertation but that she totally understood my POV on subtitling and said she would help any how she could. So that was one thing sorted. Gotta love helpful and understanding lecturers.

So now for the pièce de résistance: On Thursday I was still feeling bummed. So I thought, OK. Maybe some retail therapy would help. Plus it was Tehrym's birthday Friday night and I needed to get some things. So I went to Enfield Town and shopped and shopped, and bought quite a few things. My last stop was Monsoon, and I don't even go in there usually because the price is slightly steeper than Topshop etc. I go in, I look at belts..and I see one that I really like..it was soft, not like the hard, cheap belts you find elsewhere. It's £25. I breathe in and think long and hard. In the end I decided to just fudge it and before I knew it, I was carrying a tiny Monsoon paper bag with a belt in it. So I get on the bus back to Oakwood and put my stuff beside me. I get off, and get on the shuttle back to Trent Park.

As I get off the shuttle and walk towards my hall, I realise..fuck. I didn't have my Monsoon bag. I felt like a total idiot!! The most expensive thing that I had bought that day and the one thing I was actually not sure of getting was G-O-N-E. Words cannot express how much of a spaz I felt that day. Instead of making me feel better..retail therapy was more of retail injury - to my pea-sized brain and my wallet. Anyway, I brushed this off as best I could..and focused on Tehrym's birthday. So Friday was good, the party was nice etc, etc.

I slept at 3am, because I was supposed to send my sister off at Heathrow since she was finally leaving the UK for good. I woke up at 6.30am and decided I would take the cab to Oakwood since the shuttle didn't start that early. Then I told myself, well make sure you have enough money first. So I started looking for my little cardholder that had my bank card and Oyster (travel) card coz I sometimes put some money in there.

And guess what. I didn't find it. Yep. You guessed it. I put it in the Monsoon bag, along with the belt I lost. AUDRA, tu es GENIAL.

You cannot imagine how I broke down. I was so upset because I wouldn't be able to see my sister before she left. I called her up, crying and she calmed me down and said it was okay, and she asked me to sort my card out first. So I called the bank, cancelled my card. And then after I hung up I forgot to ask them about my balance. When I called them back it was a whole process of passing me from one person to another, and 15 minutes later when I finally got the 'right' person - voice message. Just my luck. So I had no cash, and no credit. By this time I am exhausted from the lack of sleep, from the tears, and from the headache. So I decide to sleep for an hour before heading to the bank in Enfield. Once there, I checked my account, and thankfully..no money had been removed. I took out some cash using my cheque book and made my way to my friends place in Enfield to get some Malay DVD's for my dissertation. On the bus, I asked the driver for hecks sake..where the Lost & Found for buses were. Thankfully it was on the way so I got off at the appropriate place.

The place was empty and the counter was closed, despite the sign that said it was supposed to be open. I rang the bell and the partition was lifted and a woman was there asking me what I was looking for. I told her, a red Monsoon paperbag, possibly with a belt, and a cardholder in it. She said, one second let me go back and check for you..and with that, she closed the partition again. Immediately, I leaned on the counter as I knew she wasn't going to find anything and that it would take awhile. Not even 5 minutes after she left, I was shocked when I heard a voice behind me say, "There you go!" I turned around in disbelief, and there I saw the woman, WITH the Monsoon bag..and get this - everything was in the bag. I mean E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G. From the belt to the debit card. I jumped for joy, thanked her numerously and skipped on. I then went on to Hanie's place, Veron's place with lunch and nap, before heading to Central to visit my cousin and aunt. It sure was the longest day of my life.

Well, the point of the story really is to note my amazement and the luck of my situation. Let me assure you that if this were in my dearest country Malaysia - that bag would have been longgggggggg gone. Money would've been drained out of my account, and I would be a total wreck. Thank you to the kind soul who found the bag and passed it on to the bus driver, if you had taken the belt I would have still thanked you for saving my card but that just goes to show what a big-hearted person you are. To the bus driver, thank you for being an honest, honest man - if I knew who you were I would commend you and the Transport for London services for having such respectful staff. Lastly, thank you Alex sayang for bearing with me throughout my crazy, PMS-y self.. I don't know how you do it.. but I sure love you for it :)

Truly.. my faith in mankind has been restored.

You Are Pop Art

When it comes to art, you're definitely not a snob. You can appreciate the mainstream aspects of culture, even if you need to twist them a bit to make them your own. Whether you're into comics, retro pinups, or bold colors, you embrace what's eye catching and simple. As far as most other art goes, you consider it a little too elitist and high brow for your tastes!

What Art Movement Are You?

Go Back to *****, BITCH.

I'm stressed. I won't lie. I've been going through shit, because I'm stressed about my dissertation. And I'm at a low. I haven't been this low since I first got here the first month. But I miss my parents a lot. I really don't care much for anything else back home, but my parents..I can't live without. It pains me to know that they are getting older by the day, and that I am not there for them. To make things worse, I can't even be with my boyfriend. But that's the way it is. And I have to deal. Then, I get news from an old best friend in KL. And then I hear that some high-school "friend" that I HARDLY EVER spoke to has been trying to bad mouth me by saying, "Audra, rich girl..using dad's money and having fun in UK".

FUCKING HELL. YOU HAVE NO FUCKING RIGHT TO SAY THAT, YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW ME! I FOUGHT AND WORKED FUCKING HARD TO GET TO WHERE I AM TODAY, I GOT A FUCKING SCHOLARSHIP, MY DAD WORKS HARD TO MAKE SURE I HAVE FOOD, I DON'T GO FUCKING WASTE MY MONEY TO GET INTO CLUBS AND GET FUCKING WASTED ALL THE FUCKING TIME LIKE ALL THE OTHER SHITHEADS THAT STUDY ABROAD SO SHUT YOUR TRAP, YOU WHORE, YOU STUPID JOBLESS BITCH WHO USES OF ALL HER FRIENDS. SERIOUSLY HOW COULD YOU USE HER LIKE THAT..YOU CALL HER YOUR FRIEND? BUT YOU TREAT HER LIKE YOUR DAMN SECRETARY? HELLO LOOK IN THE MIRROR LA OK..KALAU DAH BURUK TU, HOW CAN YOU AFFORD TO HAVE SUCH A STINKING PERSONALITY? SURE SUCKS TO BE YOU. TAKDE DUIT PUN NAK CLUBBING, HOW SAD IS YOUR LIFE DUDE? THAT YOU HAVE TO PINJAM MONEY FROM PEOPLE TO GO CLUBBING..AND AT FUCKING 24 YEARS OLD? YOU ARE A FUCKING JOKE.

breathe.

that felt good. that felt damn good. that piece of news has really made my day. you know when you're in high school and you know you're weird and that people don't get you and you feel like you don't really fit in or that you're not good enough, but you know these people are stinking losers anyway so you don't really give a shit and mind your own business? well that's me. sri amanians are the biggest losers out there, so full of themselves when there's nothing to be proud of..it's like they're all on some kind of an ego trip for what also I don't know lah. and like I always say, its easier to hate and ugly girl that's mean then a pretty girl who is mean. Like when a pretty girl is mean you're like sure, she's prolly used to getting shit her way all the time. But when someone that looks like a buttface is being a bitch you're just like yo, whats this shit.

well, that's thoughtful and nice how bitch got her panties all tied up in a bunch talking about me, i feel bad that she never even crossed my mind once, since I got here. thanks for all the profile views people and assuming things and starting rumours, it's nice that you try and associate yourself with me by talking about me like you know me so well..it's sweet. it REALLY is. thanks, but no thanks. yo shit ass ain't worth jack and I wouldn't want to be associated with you, ever. this is for all the haters, leave me the fuck alone..I haven't done anything but mind my own business and I'd recommend you try it, but then again your desperate Britney-esque attention seeking attempts would probably not allow it. so just make sure you keep those shavers away.