the bitchen' blog. literally.

I'm still Fatty McFat in my head

So since I've been back in Malaysia for almost two years now, I've kinda lost some weight. About 15kg of weight.

Before

I'm not gonna lie. Adjusting to 'being fat' took a bit of getting used to. And before you start rolling your eyes, this is not some oh-look-at-me-I-think-I'm-awesome post. It's not. Read between the lines if you may.

See, I gained helluva lot of weight towards the last few months during my year abroad. My boyfriend Alex and I LOVE to eat, and we would literally eat all day and all night. We ate, we slept, we hung out, we traveled..life was good. I was the happiest I'd ever been, and I hardly noticed the massive weight gain. I suppose because no one ever brought it up, or made me feel like shit for it. Sure my clothes, no longer fit, skinny-Ts starting to ride up my belly - a first for me. But Alex gave me the solution, buy clothes that fit..and that meant buying a size 12, and eventually even a size 14.

Now I'd been able to fit in 8's and 10's before, and trust me..getting your brain to be O.K. with buying 2 sizes bigger was a huge blow to the ego. It took me awhile, but after awhile it got tiring having to constantly suck in your tummy with super tight tops. So I surrendered and started on rebuilding my wardrobe. But despite all that, I was still pretty cool with myself.

And then I came back to Malaysia, and it started.

One after another, starting from my own mother (I'm a poet huh!)..all I seemed to hear was "WOW you've put on a lot of weight!"

Some looked seriously distraught, but for the most part, people almost seemed to enjoy the fact that I was overweight. Sick or not?

I would go shopping by myself in malls (I love doing this), and I'm not trying to blow my own trumpet here but before I would get boys looking at me, and their girlfriends giving me the evil eye - not like I was all that hot pun, but I guess to some, maybe I was competition? THEN.

But this time around, no one looked, no one stared, no one gave me the evil eye. I was invisible. It was refreshing, yet I couldn't help but feel like..hey man wtf!? I'm still hot what! My boyfriend tells me everyday I am! Of course he would, he's your boyfriend!

So after a couple of months of this constant 1-sided conversation in my head..I started to accept my new found invisibility and used it to my advantage.

I had no reason to dress up fancy anymore, no reason to care about how I did my hair and so on.

I also found that certain friends lost touch with me, or like some people that I was never really close to just slowly disappeared from my life..which didn't really bother me coz quite frankly, I could care less. Those of you who are close to me know that I am somewhat of an anti-social, so it was abit of a relief not to have to feel obliged to hang out with people I wasn't really close to.

But after losing all that weight (not intentionally btw, it just sort of happened), all of a sudden I'm getting all these msgs and texts from these people complimenting me on my weight loss. Which I guess is great, and I guess they're just being genuinely nice..but I can't help but feel like, OH so NOW I'm relevant again?

Ya ok I'm being a sour puss, so I'll try to end this on a positive note. This post goes out to all my family and friends who've been keeping it real with me, be it at 79kg or 60kg.. you guys are awesome and I gots your back always mayyyyn!

Oh and a quick shout out to my girls Zef, Inayah, Tati and Amal for coming out and celebrating my joint-birthday thing with Zef last Saturday.. I had the best best time :) love you girls!